BAGGAGE

Ahhh, a fresh beginning. It began at the stroke of midnite. January 1, 2006 had officially arrived. Among smooches, hugs, laughter, and sips of champagne, the opportunity to make this brand new year one to remember for all time burst into the party. I am always particularly pleased watching the ball drop in Times Square when I am in an atmosphere full of hope, love, and optimism. And that is exactly where I found myself!

It is foolish to think that anyone can permanently stow away their "baggage" just because a clock moves to a specific time. After all, we ARE who we are~in part~due to our baggage. It has shaped us into the person we face in the mirror on a daily basis.

Instead of succumbing to an annual list of resolutions, isn't it better to take a look at the baggage you have accumulated? Bring it all out. Take a good look at all that is displayed. Sort through the pile. Three sizes of bags in varying amounts are there: small, medium, and large.

Start with the small bags. Take a gander at what is inside those. I bet there are some items that can be thrown out. Small enough to make you wonder why you ever held onto them in the first place. Yes, definitely tossable. Remove them from your pile. Surprised to find that all of the small bags are in the trash can? Already there is a sense of a load lightened.

Now, look at what lays in front of you. Hmmm. There are some medium-sized bags. Those require a bit more thought before opting to do anything with them. Open those bags; peer inside at the contents. Oops, maybe you accidentally stuffed some small items in them. Inconsequential items that mean absolutely nothing in life's big picture. Out they can go. Off to the trash with them. See one or two "iffy" things in them? Aren't quite sure if they should be saved or pitched? Hang onto them a while longer. You will know soon enough if they are worth keeping. Having done that, you can probably place the contents of ALL of those medium bags inside just ONE. You tidied up a fair amount, didn't you?

Oh, but there are the large bags awaiting your inspection. It is intimidating to see them lurking next to that lone middle-sized bag. Some people have many, many of these giant suitcases. Some have only one or two. Matters not the count. What matters is what you had decided was significant enough to place inside of them. You may not want to rush going through them. In fact, it is best not to attempt to do it quickly. These large cases have been carried with us wherever we have gone. Wherever we have lived. Some of the bags are quite battered and scuffed. Others are still in mint condition. But, they do take up a lot of space. And they are heavy to haul.

It is those bags that will help us reach where we want and need to be. When you are ready, open up one of them. Did you see something that made you terribly angry? If so, hurl it away from you. Shout at it. Stomp on it. Get the anger out of your system. Realize that what is done is done. If there is no way to change what caused your anger, why keep it? Whether or not what it is happens to be fair or unfair makes little difference if the end result is always anger. It drags you down. It makes your life journey take longer because of the overwhelming load. DISCARD IT. It belongs in the trash.

Peek inside another large bag. Are tears flooding your eyes when you spot something that is particularly painful to see? Take a moment to breathe deeply. Ask yourself why it is so painful. Did somebody hurt you...intentionally or unintentionally? Can you rationalize that pain and realize that the person maybe acted a certain way because it was the only way they knew how to act? If you cannot or choose not to try to fix it, do you think it is possible to UNDERSTAND it now? If so, place it inside that medium-sized bag you have, or perhaps you may even find it worth discarding. What about the things that cause you to sob mercilessly? Sad things that also encompass love? Love is not to be thrown away. Ever. Good, sad, or bad endings, love brought something positive and special at least for a time. Me? I would hold onto it. When the time felt right, I might place it inside the medium bag. If it brought me much happiness, I would never want to completely get rid of it. But, I would probably loosen my hold on it.

If all goes well with your purging, you should see only one large bag and one medium-sized bag. Both should have space left inside them. It is not so difficult to travel with just two cases, is it? Throughout the year, periodically set them down and go through them again. You may find yourself readjusting the contents. You might even see a few things ready to take to the dumpster. And your baggage will keep on getting lighter and lighter until one day everything fits inside one suitcase.

We all need to have ONE place to store our troubles, sorrows, burdens. They are ours. We own them. Totally eliminating them would rid us of a part of who we are as individuals. If they are not things that make us undesirable people, then we should keep them. They remind us of who we are and where we have been. It is in the selection of those woes we choose to keep that we can find our own peace. Understanding them is the key.

"Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough." ~Charles Dudley Warner

(Graphic by Simone)

A FAREWELL AND A WELCOME

 

     

WEIRD HABITS

               

Oh, this game of life on AOL. I have been tagged by Sie at Persnickety Pfft! These are the rules of the game: The first player chose a topic. In this case, the topic is FIVE WEIRD HABITS OF YOURS. You must then write a journal entry listing those weirdnesses you possess~as well as the rules of the game. Then, you select FIVE PEOPLE TO TAG and link their names/blogs in your entry. Go to their journals and leave a comment informing them they have been tagged by you and to read your journal to see in what way they have been nailed! Those five then MUST (note that I insist upon it!) write an entry listing their weird habits and tag an additional five people. I am not going to be nice if you do not play along! And because I am such a good sport, I will play the game.

5 weird habits of mine. Hmm.

1. I touch people's hair. Uh huh. Obviously not a stranger's hair; only those who I know well. Sometimes it is to "fix" it so that it looks perfect. Other times it is just because it feels good to run my fingers through it. My nieces have always had me French braid and/or cut theirs. In fact, for years I cut my father's hair~at his request, because he was absolutely fastidious about how his hair was trimmed.

2. The top sheet on the bed MUST be put on pattern-side down, and then the upper edge folded back precisely. And, yes, I am anal about having the sheet and blanket tucked in at the foot of the bed using the "hospital corners" technique.

3. I rub my feet together before I go to sleep (it makes a cute chirping sound...::grin::). My left foot remains still while the underside of my right foot rubs the top of my left foot.

4. I will not drive anywhere without having some sort of beverage in the car. My beverage of choice is Coke or ice water.

5. I straighten crooked pictures on walls. Wherever I may be...offices, homes, etc. It drives me nuts to see a painting that is off-kilter. That weird habit is the reason I fell off a bed at a New Year's Eve party last year. Geez, that was embarrassing.

My turn to tag! Let me ponder. Hmmm. I think I will tag:

CHRIS at It's All About Me

CHRISTINA at My Journey With MS

GABREAEL at Gabreael's Body, Mind, & Spirit

REDSNEAKZ at Separation Anxiety

V at To Grow Is To Be Anxious

Okay, you weirdos...have at it!

  "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." ~Aristotle      

THE AFTERMATH

                           

It came. It went. But, not before leaving a multitude of remembrances in my mind. Ones I shall call up whenever I choose; others that will come to me at unexpected moments.

My son taking longer than most women do to get ready to attend the Christmas Eve church service. Blaming me with a twinkle in his eye for driving too slow when we arrived with scant minutes to spare before the service began.

My daughter and husband singing during the lighting of the church congregation's candles.

The surprised and happy looks on my hubby's face when he opened my gifts to him.

The appreciation my kids had for each and every present Santa left for them. The parental pride felt knowing they understood the hard work Santa puts in day in and day out to be able to lavish them with such gifts once a year.

The six-hour extravaganza at my mother's house. Hearing laughter and giggles and nonstop chattering throughout her house as 22 people gathered to celebrate Christmas Day.

Gifts galore. The best gift of all? Noticing the haunted look that has been in my mother's eyes since Daddy's death was not there...and knowing she was able to push aside her own current health problems for the day.

I cannot record here, on paper, or on film all that this Christmas of 2005 embodied. No matter how much I tell about the day, I will still be unable to do it justice.

There is but one word that repeatedly comes to mind when thinking about every single part of this wondrous holiday I experienced:

LOVE.

"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver." ~Barbara De Angelis

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Is this not one of the most beautifully crafted digital images you have ever seen? Courtesy of Simone's artisanship, of course. I have been saving it for this particular entry.

Christmas will be here in no time, and each of us in our family has been busy with various activities. Mine have centered on being sure I have all the gifts in order, no one forgotten, and the presents wrapped carefully and attractively. (And now also tending to our poochie whose eye removal was performed and has left her out of sorts and requiring a lot of care during this next two weeks.)

The kids have been busy working and helping out in whatever ways they can. Hubby is working hard. All of their spirits are soaring with the approach of Christmas. Last year, hubby and son played Silent Night together at the Christmas Eve service during Communion. There was no accompaniment and no singing during it; only the melodious sounds of their guitars quietly playing that traditional song. It was glorious. I experienced the most tremendous lump in my throat and teary eyes listening to and looking at them.

This year my daughter, husband, and another choir member will be singing Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel during the service. As much as I might want to try to contain my emotions during it, what are you willing to bet I become unglued? There is something about the music in church that stirs my soul, and hearing it performed by my family members causes an especially powerful feeling.

Our annual tradition is for the four of us to exchange our gifts to each other on Christmas Eve after church. We have done it that way for some years now, so those special gifts do not get lost in the shuffle of mountains of presents from Santa and our relatives on Christmas Day.

Santa has already given Mrs. Claus the outfit she is to wear on Christmas Eve. And, no, she is not to wear it to church. He wants her to don it later in the nite after the kids are in bed. It is quite a garment. Here is a peek at it:

                                  

Santa is a very frisky man! God love his heart...and other parts. ::grin::

I do not plan on writing in here again until Christmas Day has passed. To all of you, my best wishes for a Merry Christmas...and do not forget the Christ in Christmas.

"Christmas~that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance.  It may weave a spell of nostalgia.  Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance~ a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved."  ~Augusta E. Rundel

ALL SORTS OF PRESENTS

It is probably obvious by now that Christmas is my favorite holiday. There are an abundance of crystal clear joyful memories that makes it my day of the year. Interspersed among those memories are some painful ones, but they will never take away the power of the multitude of blissful recollections. I can appreciate how each person has his or her own favorite holiday for probably very much the same reason.

I also understand that the gifts we receive and give are not always wrapped in pretty paper with ribbons and bows. Some might even be unpleasant presents that we accept because we have no choice but to do so. It is how we handle those gifts that matters. Still other presents take away our breath or leave us feeling impossibly warm, yet no seasonal wrappings cover them.

As I sit here thinking about this approaching Christmas of 2005, I have already "opened" some tremendous presents. My husband and children are healthy, happy, and incredibly devoted to me. Sometimes it is almost surreal to recognize I am lucky enough to find myself in this position. I do not know what I did right to have them in my life; all I know is whatever it was, I did it damn well!

Then, there is the gift of my sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces and nephews, and especially my mother. There is not a single rotten egg in the bunch! They are a large package of laughs, love, thoughtfulness, and generosity. When I hear or read about people who have not had the kind of family life I have, at times I almost feel as though I need to apologize for having the genuinely close family relationships I have. That, however, seems to minimize their value in my world...which is unfair to them. I can be empathetic to those less fortunate and be sorry they had or have such bad experiences from the very ones who should be sources of unconditional love and acceptance.

My friends are beautiful gifts. Jewels all of them. I count the years I have known them, and it is slightly disconcerting when that count reaches such high numbers. Surely I am not that old! ::smile:: We have most assuredly shared the many growing experiences in life, and we have maintained our strong friendships throughout whatever curves life has thrown at us.

New and old online friends are treasured gifts that have blessed my year. I have some online friends who I consider to be friends in every sense of the word. Whether or not they are within touching distance matters not. Their contributions to my world are every bit as real as those of my 3D friends.

There are currently a couple of presents I have received which have me a bit discombobulated. My sweet dog goes to the hospital Monday morning for the removal of her left eye. My hopes that a prosthetic eye could be implanted have been dashed due to the fact every portion of her eyeball needs to be enucleated. I am terribly sad for her. The positive is the horrid pain she is experiencing from the ulcerated cornea and onset of glaucoma will be gone. Relief from her wicked pain is our gift to her.

The other present that rattles me and looms large this Christmas is the state of my gentleman friend's health. His condition remains critical. His holidays will undoubtedly be spent in the hospital, and his life will continue to cling in the balance. His family will find their own Christmases taking on a pall of darkness, just as his friends will find their thoughts turning to him in prayer. We will gift him with healing prayers or prayers that he finds peace.

I refuse to end this entry on a sobering note. Therefore, I shall tell you that I have not had to do any of my annual pre-Christmas snooping to find what hubby bought me! I already know what he got me. I have seen them, touched them, beamed at them, and felt totally pampered. He bought me dangly diamond earrings. I was lusting for a pair of them. He phoned me asking me to join him. He could not decide between two pairs. I told him to choose for himself...to surprise me. He was not willing to attempt that, and so I had to make the decision for him (and I ended up selecting the ones that were his favorite). Each one has 12 diamonds, and they will swing to and fro from my ear lobes when I am finally allowed to wear them (which translates to mean that hubby will NOT let me wear them until Christmas Day). They are gorgeous.

I am equally excited about the items I have bought for him. He has no idea what they are, and that tickles me. With him being so talented musically and being able to learn and play so many songs by ear, I got him a Dell DJ (eh, I prefer them over iPods) that stores an amazing number of songs. I have downloaded entire CDs of some of his favorite music, so he can then easily transfer them to his DJ. I also got him one of those very rare 1/2 pint glass butter churns, since he made butter with his father over Thanksgiving. There are several other smaller presents for him that I will put inside his stocking. For a man who practically always tells me to buy him nothing, he should like those gifts. And our children are gifting him with some very nice things; one being the ceramic tile for the floor of one of our bathrooms. I cannot wait to see his face when he opens each present.

Materialistically, we will have a grand Christmas. More importantly, the sharing of our time and love will be even grander.

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."  ~Dr. Seuss
           

A THANK YOU FOR A THANK YOU

 Because Debbted left a comment asking if I had created the stunning graphic I used in my previous entry, I added a note at the bottom of the page saying who had created the gorgeous picture...and it certainly was not I!

The woman, Simone, who has such talent and makes these beautiful images (the one above is yet another example of her creativity) lives in Bolivia. She makes these graphics for people to use as Incredimail stationery. They are not intended for use in the manner in which I use them. I had to ask her permission.

When I originally asked her if I could place one in my journal, she held off giving me a definitive answer. She wanted the link to my journal; she wanted to see what and how I wrote. I gave it to her, and I kept my fingers crossed that she would approve. I have such a mix of entries. Sometimes totally serious, sometimes silly, sometimes off-color. They are very much me. A combination of all that makes me ME. I was not certain how she would take to my style...or lack of.

I awaited her response. It came. She gave me carte blanche to use her stationery (stats for short) in my journal whenever I wished. I was elated. Yes, ELATED. Anything as beautiful as her creations thrills me. I wrote her a thank you. She wrote back to let me know she was happy I liked them. She told me how people "rip" her stats without her permission. (Similar to a copyright infringement.) It disturbed her. Some even claim them as their own. Knowing the time she invests in making them, I could not help but feel bad for her.

I like talking to her. She speaks broken English, which I find endearing. She is kind, which I find refreshing. While I do not know her well, I can see she is a diverse individual through the wide variety of images she creates. I now have well over 100 of her stats. Each strikes a different chord within me.

It had been a good while since she gave me the green light to display her pictures, so I felt I should write her to make sure it was still okay to post them in my blog. I again thanked her, gave her the link to see the latest image I had used in here, and I told her how sometimes her pictures inspire the words I write or how they convey the feelings I wish to express.

A wide smile grew on my face while I was reading her response. She thanked ME. Imagine that. She thanked me for using her graphics in such an "awesome" way. I shook my head in amazement. She is the one who gives my entries a loveliness they would not have without her "mark" on them. Yet, she was grateful to me. Incredible.

And she is the perfect example of why I will probably think until the day I die that there are more goodhearted and kind people in this world than there are nasty and mean people. Maybe the malcontents are a lot noisier, so they get noticed more. Or maybe society in general devotes entirely too much publicity to those who are always looking for an excuse to be up in arms about something or in someone's face. Just maybe the quieter ones, the less arrogant ones, the ones who daydream as they go about their business could not care less about being noticed by scores of people. They seem to have found a place inside themselves where they are far too content to need to be in the spotlight. And so their numbers cannot be counted.

Yes, I do believe THOSE are the people in the majority. And Simone? Thank you for reinforcing that belief.

"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues." ~ Cicero