May arrived today. The weather could not have been more perfect, nor the sky a prettier blue. I grabbed my daughter, put down the top of my convertible, and headed to an art show. After admiring the works of art (and purchasing two multimedia pictures), she and I went to a garden store. I found most of what I needed there, and I dropped off my daughter at work before returning home.
We had a great time together...just the two of us. Giggles and confidences were shared. Her thoughts and feelings expressed. Seeing how very much alike our personalities are. Noticing how she gravitated toward paintings that I disliked and how I leaned toward ones she did not especially like. Coming together and finding two pieces we both liked.
The whims of the wind were blowing my hair to and fro and tousling it. My music was playing. I sang with each song, not even giving any concern as to how I might sound to anyone unlucky enough to be next to me at red lights.
The day was a good one. Better than good. But, it still did not take away the pain in my heart. Literal and figurative pain is rooted there. I could not help but be disappointed that the gentle warmth of the day and the time spent with my "little" girl did not alleviate either hurt. I can easily understand why my heart hurts figuratively. Such a simple thing for me to determine. It is the physical pain I cannot quite comprehend. All I know for sure is it has been happening for a period of time. Not too long, but not too short. Yet, perhaps the one is responsible for the other. The two often do go hand in hand.
No, I am not going to go to a doctor. I need to make a point to be more aware of those times when I clench my stomach due to tension, the occasions when I suppress my feelings, the frenzied moments when I am trying to accomplish too much too quickly. Recognizing them is half the battle. Searching for the calm that lies somewhere within me is the other half. Hopefully, soon the pain will diminish with some deep breathing and closed eyes while I envision myself driving with the wind slipping its fingers through my hair.
Yes, my love affair with the wind might just be the very thing that restores my well-being.
"Where hast thou wandered, gentle gale, to find the perfumes thou dost bring?" ~William Cullen Bryant
7 comments:
Nick~Sounds like a great day; makes me wish I had a daighter so much! Celebrate spring! I wanna go to art shows--just wiat till I get my car--I'll never be home. I am so bored with being home! xox Deb
Seems you had a perfectly lovely day. When I am truly stressed and tense to the max I drive to the beach and walk with the ocean breeze or wind, pushing me along, forward or reverse. It sooths my soul and makes me feel whole again.
Sounds like you had a wonderful day, up until that anxiety punched you right in the stomach! I wish I could just say I will deal with it... but, you are far stronger than I am, my friend. I would have just popped an Ativan. I hate feeling nervous and stressed. It just overwhelms me at times.
Hugs,
Jackie
Of all those I know, no one less deserves to experience pain in her heart – be it figurative or literal. I wish you the same serenity and peace you bring to the lives of others, my friend – and always the wind in your hair.
Rob
It often seems those most creative and intelligent struggle with axiety and stress.
Perhaps it's the extremely keen eye or the desire for all to be right with the world, EVERYTHING to be in proper perspective.
Someone much wiser than I said that obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
So, perhaps you've found a large part of the answer . . . to contine to focus on the blowing wind, your favorite song, and your daughter's laughter.
Cyndy ;-)
http://journals.aol.com/cyndygee/TheRealWorldofcyndygee
your entry here is heartfelt..I agree with Cyndy's comments. She summed it up well for me.
Gem :-)
((((((((((((((((((((((N)))))))))))))))))))))) Smooches my friend. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
Post a Comment