A WIN OR A LOSS?

Sometimes it is through losing that we realize we have actually won. Sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it? Well, it goes along with my longtime belief that out of bad comes good.

I have been caught in a bit of a downward spiral situation that managed to steal the essence of me. Swept up in it was my creative muse. Without it, I am hopelessly lost. Good or bad artist, I need to be able to create. Every single day. And I could not. Nothing. My easel was empty. My drafting table bare. No sparkling computer graphics designed. No poems written. I would wring my hands, despairing. The harder I tried to find my creativity, the more it eluded me.

 

That particular situation I was in the midst of has been resolved. I "lost" if it can be called that, since it was not a game to me. But even though there has been an end to it that is not to my liking, I have come away from it feeling more like the victor. Looking at what exists in my world...my REAL world...I am a winner. I am lucky. How could I not feel that way when I am so loved by my husband, children, mother, sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, and friends? Reality smacked me upside the head and knocked some good old-fashioned sense into me. Thankfully. Surely there are things I wish were different, but perfection leaves little left to hope for.

 

And then there are the online people who I honestly feel I know as though they were here in my neighborhood. Like they are friends who pop into my home and spend time with me. The impact they have on me is a positive one. The comments written in my previous journal entry show that. The emails I received from some of them touched my heart. I wish I could post them here, but they were sent privately. If they had wanted others to read them, they would have written them in the comments section of the last entry of mine. Suffice it to say, I am so very grateful to all of you for the words of encouragement and advice. You add to my sense of victory.

 

So yes, in my losing, I see how much I have truly won and had already won.

 

On a terribly sad note, I only just last nite learned that one of those online people whose heart was as big as Texas passed away recently. Walt. Bonnie's Walt. The brilliant man with the amazing insights into life and human nature is gone. Gone from here, but thriving in a gentler and more beautiful place. We lost Walt, but we all won from knowing him.  

 

This quotation comes to me via Mary. Thank you, dear friend and sister princess.

 

"When you come to the end of all the light you know and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen. Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly." ~Edward Teller 

 

 

Run your fingers through my soul~