CHANGES

                          

I love changes. Big changes. Little changes. This dates back to my youth. I rearranged my bedroom furniture a minimum of once a week, gouging the hardwood floor with every shove of the dressers, desk, and bed. As an adult, I am equally bad feeling a constant need to change the looks of my living room and family room. It gives a freshness to those rooms which extends to me, and I was aware of that even as a youngster.

When a room is pretty much arranged the only possible way it can be, then I bring on the smaller changes. An added painting, a new knick knack, a fresh and different color of paint on the walls, wallpaper, or a wall border. All of those things bring "newness" to a room. I doubt I will ever outgrow the desire for change in this way.

I need change when it comes to restaurants, too. To go to the same one over and over gets stale. Of course, I have my favorites that I will never stop going to unless they should close. BUT, I do not want to go to them every time I dine out. Change is necessary. It is a treat and a pleasure to try a new and different one. If I do not like it, then I will not return.

Clothing styles worn by me are never the same on a daily basis. I have certain outfits I refer to as uniforms, but that is because I can count on them to be appropriate for specific reasons. They are perfect for a particular type of event, or I know I can count on them to be comfortable when comfort is a must. Even then, I change my accessories to give that sense of new. Each day it would be hard for anyone to predict just what will attire this body of mine. Tailored? Casual? Fun? Classy? Dressy? Hip? Hard to tell. And I like it that way.

There is one kind of change I abhor. It upsets me. I avoid it at all costs MOST of the time. That horrid change? A people change. ::shudder:: I become attached to people, be they casual acquaintances or dear friends. They provide a constant that I like and from which I gain a feeling of stability. That is important to me. With all the changes that occur on a daily basis~planned or unplanned changes~it is comforting to know the people will not be a change.

When I lived in apartments, I tried to avoid getting close to any of the other tenants. I was friendly, but I did not want to include them in my world of friendships. Apartment dwellers are transient people. They are going to move on. Why would I want to give them a part of me and then watch them up and leave? Many who moved did not only move to a new complex, they moved to another city. If I had gotten too close to them, I missed them horribly. So, up went my walls. And I remained slightly aloof from most.

Then there are the people changes I initiate. I am the one who dissolves the ties to them. Fortunately, that almost never happens in my real world. I meet new people regularly, and I find I like them and want them to be in at least one of my categories of friends. It takes an awful lot for me to back away from any person I know and like. That "awful lot" means abuse of our friendship. I guess I must select the people in my life pretty darn well, because I cannot recall the last time I dissolved a friendship or even had one the other person terminated with me.

Online, I find I do it more often. Not as often as I probably should. And I give way too many strikes before calling them out. I have thought about why I do not do it when I have had numerous times I was hurt by or angry with the person. I believe my gut instincts do not kick in regarding the quality of an online person's character or expectations as well as they do in my real world. I trust easily (I should probably alter that word to make it past tense), and that is a carryover from my life outside of the realm of cyberland. I honestly do not know of anyone I have trusted in my life that has ever betrayed me. Why would I expect it to be any different on AOL?

Uh, there is my naive thinking (and stupidity) showing. Sweet Lord, people on here are not like they are in my life. The abuses, lies, and downright nasty things they do to each other are incredible. I give chances. Hurt me once, that is one strike. Again, strike two. Yet again, strike three. Are they out? Maybe...maybe not. Every case would be different. I am not a zero-tolerance policy advocate. ::grin:: Some I cut incredible slack and allow them a ton of what I consider "mistakes" and never do cut them loose. Others might be out after only one or two strikes. If that bat they wield does not just miss the ball but proceeds to intentionally smack into my head and drop me to my knees, they are out. Permanently. I do not care if it is their first strike.

It took me a very long time before I became aware that it was necessary for me to not be so gullible online. I kept making excuses for why someone did this or that. It was very wearing on me. I am a people person, and I do not like the thought that a person never had my best interests at heart. I am learning, though! I suspect I will be duped again, but at least I have more of the required bit of skepticism about the intentions of some people. And it was not difficult to sever the ties to some of the folks here I have known. In fact, it was a relief. Those people changes were so easy. It came as a surprise to me when I found I did not miss them even the tiniest bit. But, ugliness in the form of character is something I would never look back over my shoulder and yearn to be around.

I have seen too much ugly here. Now, I just want to be dazzled.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." ~Alan Cohen