PART II

                        

                                       STAND BY ME~click to hear song

I reread Part I, and I honestly do not think I can stand to chronicle the events that took place while my father was in nursing homes until his passing in 2002. Too many painful recollections. Fortunately, there were also some wonderful ones, not for his health except the times he beat what the doctors felt was "certain impending death." That really had more to do with the type of man he was and his competitive nature and his unwillingness to give up than it did his nursing home experiences. And I will go so far as to say that we, his family, kept him alive with our knowledge and insight into his health conditions. We knew EVERYTHING about him, how certain illnesses effected him and could see them developing before others could, we knew each and every medication he was taking, the side effects of them, we kept his limbs going even when they were rendered useless. I could spot the onset of the slightest fever immediately. A urinary tract infection? Pffft...that was a breeze to detect simply by the way he was feeling. Dehydration? Another easy detection. Pain? He would not admit it, so you read it in his eyes. You CAN SEE physical pain if you look. If you care enough about someone, even the tiniest change in behavior or patterns sets off an alarm, and you have it investigated.

We all weathered the heart attacks, the constant bouts of pneumonia, the UTIs, the shutting down of his kidneys necessitating a permanent catheter, the feeding tube leakages or infections around the site, the petit mal seizures for years. Think it did not kill us to see it happening? To feel helpless to do anything for him except be there for him and try to make sure the nurses and aides and doctors were on top of each and every thing. Did we worry about being pests? Hmmm. Maybe. I did not, though. ::grin:: And I had no problemtaking anyone to task if I felt they were not giving Daddy's health or care enough attention or priority. Daddy was in two nursing homes. The first one was very good until they began to cut back on staff, and with that came an inability to properly tend the patients. We pulled him out of there when that took place and situated him in a brand new facility. We are very, very grateful we did.

So, things to look for in a nursing home? If you walk into a facility, and the scent assaults your nose, GET OUT. If they cannot keep their hallways free of the expected odors, then imagine how the patients' rooms smell. Cleanliness is mandatory. Staph infections run rampant in such places. Staph can kill...especially the weak and elderly.

Visiting hours? Are they set in stone? Most have hours posted, but they allow you to visit during the off hours, too. Sometimes, as in our case, they have a keypad security system. They gave us the code, so the doors would open whenever we visited. I loved that, because I had a tendency to fret if I had visited earlier and saw that he was not faring well. I would return late at nite and just check on his condition. Or maybe just sit with him during the quiet wee hours of the morning. Being a nite owl worked in my favor.

Is the staffing adequate? What is the patient/staff ratio? Just remember, if your loved one pushes that call button, how long do you want the wait time to be for assistance? (God love Daddy...he never once pushed it. Not sure if he really understood its significance, or if he did not want to be a "bother." We wished he utilized it, and we would tell him to push it if he wanted anything. He simply never did.)

Activities for the patients? Do they have a social director?One who plans various outings or activities? Really, that is critical, in my opinion. Whether they be crafts, trips to the zoo or a restaurant, bringing in groups to perform during the holidays...all of those things make the elderly feel like they are a contributing part of society. No matter how small the activity seems to be in your eyes, it is still something to help keep a mind alert or fill the ears of those who can no longer communicate. I will never forget the music and singing at Daddy's nursing home. I will never forget walking in and approaching him from behind as he sat in his wheelchair. His head was moving to the melody, and I slipped my arms around his shoulders and squeezed him. He was beaming. He loved music. Later when he could no longer leave his room, carolers came to him. Sometimes schools will "adopt" a nursing home. The classes or students make cards for the residents. They put on little shows. They come just to say hello. I cannot emphasize enough how important these things are. Children and the elderly are like magnets. They come together, and it is a joy to watch.

What about meals? Is there a dining room? Is there a special one for those who struggle either using their utensils or swallowing? Is an aide in there to assist and keep an eye out for choking? Or are the meals just brought to the patients' rooms and left on a tray table? If your loved one has difficulties, the LAST thing you want is him or her left alone with a tray of food.

Physical therapy, speech therapy? Do they have those therapists in the home? Are they full-time or part-time? Do they hire the employees, or is it an outside agency contracted to work at the nursing home? Is the equipment they have for physical therapy adequate for the needs of your loved one? Do they allow family to watch the sessions?

Financially, you can pretty much expect to pay an exorbitant amount. Most people want a nursing home that is licensed by Medicare. The system rapes the elderly of practically every dime they worked so hard for all their lives before allowing Medicare to cover the costs. Obviously, if the money you have to work with is limited, then it is almost a necessity to be sure you have selected one where Medicare will pick up the slack when money runs out.

Gosh, so many other considerations when selecting the right place. It is very rough on the aged to be shuffled from one place to another. It pays to do your homework and be as certain as possible that where you have chosen will suit him/her to avoid repeated changes. But, I would never EVER leave someone I care about in a place that is not living up to its promises or claims just because I did not want to unsettle my loved one.

Part III will cover what you will see and experience inside a nursing home and ways you can be of help. Some of it is very disturbing, and some is very uplifting.

"Whycan't we build orphanages next to homes for the elderly? If someone were sitting in a rocker, it wouldn't be long before a kid will be in his lap." ~Cloris Leachman